Customer Service 101

The Satanic Scriptures pre-order fulfillment went pretty well. We’ve gotten some great feedback on the book and only a few snafus. Some people sent illegible order forms (if we can’t read the address, it makes it hard to send something in the mail), some didn’t send the right amount of money, and I think we might have sent a hardback to someone who ordered a slipcase, but we’re fixing that now.

All in all, we sent hundreds of books out within two weeks, and that time included picking them up at the shipping center in a u-haul, unloading them at the offices, three days travelling to New York and having books signed by the high priest of the Church of Satan, special ordering shipping supplies and etc. etc.

I’m not complainging, but we usually do a dozen orders in two weeks, not a few hundred.

We had one pest though. One person who just demanded to know, every other day it seemed, what the progress was on his order. I’d been short in my responses, because how many times can I write “your order will be filled”?

It was really down to the wire with this release. At one point it looked like the books might not make it to the US until the 28th! Everyone would have gotten theirs late. It takes almost a month just to have the books shipped from our printer overseas. The original plan had the hardback book slated for Halloween of this year, but it was decided we wanted to release it on Walpurgisnacht, we had to work on a truncated time table (cutting 7 months out of the release schedual)!

The proverbial straw was a 3rd e-mail in the last two days that had a subject line of “dissapointed”. I couldn’t keep it to a one line sentence reply:


I gotta tell you, you’ve sent us probably a dozen goddamn e-mails and numerous notices of address changes.

You will get your book, relax. We’ve done an amazing job at getting hundreds of orders filled in just a few days. Problem orders were pulled and filled last. You sent address changes and therefore yours was a “problem order”. You haven’t been neglected and if you’re disappointed then you’ve proven yourself terribly impatient and your constant e-mails have shown you’re also a pest. We were disappointed in you long before now.

On every order form and every website we asked people to wait until the 5th of this month to contact us. You disregarded this and have pestered us with multiple requests for address changes and updates.

“We respectfully ask that you abstain from e-mailing us for updates on the release of this book unless you have not heard from us or received delivery by May 5th.”

You have not received your book, but you have HEARD from us, right?! We have TOLD you that it was being shipped to you, RIGHT?!


Scapegoat Publishing

Grandma blood on my hands….

This morning, my gal and I stopped at a grocery store. She had to run in and pick something up. We were running a little late, it was 12:15 and she’s supposed to open her store by noon and I SHOULD be at my desk by the same time (I know, it’s a hard life).
While waiting in my car, sipping an iced coffee from the D&D (a habit I picked up from her – I’m really a Krispy Kreme man myself, being raised in the same town that birthed the doughnut franchise) and two delightful old ladies came stepping out of the store. The younger of the two white haired lasses stepped down from the curb and started off to the car parked nearby in a handicap space, the other, very old (and very “sweet old grandmother” type) was trying to step down herself… but even with a cane she looked uncertain.
Because I’m Southern man, and she was a kind looking woman in a fairly nice but working collar suburb of Baltimore, I started to rise from my seat to help her down from the curb. As I got the door all the way open, I see her start to lose balance and down she went, head hitting the curb before I could traverse the 15 feet I was from her.
I step up, look in her eyes and ask if she is okay, she responds and seems a but suprised, but not dazed. Her head was bleeding and a second person who saw what happened volunteered to call an ambulance. My gal just walked out the door and I tell her to get a towel or something and she spins around to take care of it.
Ambulance called, towel in my hand and pressed to the back of her neck, she was sitting up and I was supporting her with my knees while I was crouched behind her. My dear girl held her hand and spoke to her, as well as I until the ambulance came.
The paramedics came over and took the towel holding from me and escorted her in the ambulance, I look down and see blood all over my left hand and wrist and the cuff of my coat.
I don’t need a pat on the back, I didn’t ask that woman for any money and nobody thanked me. If she were a crackhead, or someone undesirable, I would have just called the ambulance from the warmth of the running car. She seemed like someone who just had an accident.
Basically, there’s more going on than books and porn and eugenics, though I don’t write about it as much. When I talk about statistics and groups of people, I’m talking just about that – generalities. I don’t think people are just two-dimensional, but I take individuals as just that. When they’re strangers, I judge them based on appearance and behavoir, when they aren’t anymore, I judge them based on my interactions with them.


Wrote this a while back, just found it on the hard drive.. —————————————————————–
Warning: People other than you may have differing opinions. If you get upset, angry, or even violent when you are confronted with one of these “other people”, you may need to re-evaluate your behavior. Sorry, my freedom to live and enjoy life does not hinge on your acceptance of my ideas, and your freedom is not stilted by my acceptance or rejection of yours. If I’ve offended you, move on and be happy that you have a “right” to do so. In a lesser country, you would have no choice. Don’t be a lesser man and try to abridge my choice. It works a lot better if you’re polite to others, but wasting my love for those who are clearly undeserving is disastrous, and only weakens my love for those who have shown themselves capable of understanding and even returning that love. Learn to pick your fights; attack those who are attacking you, scream and rail defiantly against those who are taking steps to remove your rights to this freedom of thought. Use your freedom of thought to read, write, and reflect. Minority does not mean black, undocumented does not mean illegal, hate does not make a crime. We are busily making 1+1=3, and all I can do is move forward.