(fake news report)
BALTIMORE – Satanic Priest buys film libraries of two Baltimore grindhouses. Rev. Slaughter has rescued the neglected 8mm film archives of two peep booth houses from the infamous Block of Baltimore.
“I don’t want to paint myself as a humanitarian, but these films were at risk of being destroyed. I’m going to make a home for these hard-core smut loops from the 1960′s and 70′s,” the Reverend stated earlier today.
He and his partner in the rescue, Action Girl, have an acute interest in preserving such cultural artifacts.
“I own a significant amount of books and items relating to sex already,” Slaughter added, “and these films will make up for the lack of motion pictures in my archive. I only had 50 or so films before this. It’s not the first time I’ve bought more porno in one day than most people do in a life-time, and I’m comfortable with that.”
His associate Action Girl related her dismay at the state of contemporary pornography, stating that the dearth of plastic surgery and influence of certain modern trends has made for an unappealing viewing experience.
“It’s more than one thousand films, it’s really overwhelming,” she added.
The two plan on transferring some of the best material to a digital format so that they are not lost forever.
“There’s even some stuff from the 50′s and at least one film from the 40′s in there,” Action Girl stated, “some really cute and almost innocent stuff.”
“I’d like to build an 8mm peep booth in my apartment. I think it’d be fun and a curious addition. I’ll probably masturbate a lot,” Rev. Slaughter then added, quickly bringing everything to a silent stand still and making us end the interviews.
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