Sexual sadism/masochism…gender roles.

It may be stated as axiomatic that it is much better, for both partners, for the man to err on the side o f too much violence and virility, in all sexual situations -whether -social, vaginal, or oral, or simply in struggling for a kiss – than to show himself too cautious and too politely considerate. All female mammals, from lionesses on down, know how to back up to, and piss upon males who do not show themselves sufficiently male in the sexual encounter. This is not a joke but a fact. Women may not express themselves in such simple pantomimes, but their real emotions are generally identical. The standard “marriage manuals” take the opposite point of view about all this, I know; but they are wrong. Terribly wrong, and intent on brainwashing their male readers. Truth to tell, a woman who will angrily refuse or sulkily spoil a man’s further sexual company, on the grounds that he seduced her a little too roughly (or tore a hole in her stockings, or mussed her hair!) possibly on their own wedding-night or similar, is the type of reclamatory bitch that any man is better off without. Conversely, no woman worthy of the name really wants as sexual consort a man who treats her in bed as though he were a white-clad anaesthetician with an ether-mask, trying to slip it to her so delicately that she will not know whether she has been made love to or has made pipi. Sex is, or should be, a matter of male penetration and female ensheathing: of violence and acceptance, of sweat and semen, of tangled limbs and hair. It is worthless when it is anything less, when it is really just masturbation a deux.
– from Oragenitalism: Oral Techniques in Genital Excitation by G. Legman (1979)

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