This should be of no real interest to anybody.

I don’t know why I’m not deleting it, weighing in on my motivations in posting it, in writing it. I’m not sure, honestly.

I saw a friend this evening that I hadn’t in quite some time. I won’t go into detail, it’s not interesting for anyone else. He was dating someone and I met her for the first time. He and I have an ability to converse easily, so it’s nice to see him. We can get a little cerebral without worrying of the other is keeping up, I know he’s familliar with a lot of authors that I read, so there’s not all that ‘splainin’ to do, but when there is it’s exciting because I know he’d be excited to hear the background of the story.. blah blah blah. I told him of my habit of making really misogynistic comments when I’m hanging out with two good friends and their respective girlfriends – see, I don’t have a girlfriend, so I can do that. Also, it helps that their girlfriends know me well enough that I don’t really hate women. My pals new girl heard me say this and reacted to it, “I’m not going to like this guy am I?” She inquired to long-time pal that I hadn’t seen in about two years. He just kind of laughed it off… what is he going to say “Probably not because you’re obviously a judgemental feminist bitch”. Of course not, he wouldn’t get any sex. I can’t say for sure that’s what her problem was, but it might of had something to do with it. What was I going to do, defend myself? “You don’t know me dear, so let me explain. I worship the female. As a Southerner that has blood that runs back into the time of a more aristocratic South, I hold women in high regard, as beautiful objects of affection. There is nothing as beautiful as the female form.” Would I be accused of having some kind of hetero bigotry? Maybe then I could offend her with “I love pale white skinned girls, with freckles” – oh, I’m a racist too, “In winter, when a cold wind brings a pink flush to the cheeks of a beautiful woman, it inspires me – stirs something sexual in me.” “There are few things more exciting than the dimples on the lower back of a woman, where the muscles above the buttox haven’t been developed because of labor or needless excersize, when she isn’t so skinny or fat that her form is ruined.” I don’t know what she’d get from that, maybe I’m an elitist who hates the labor class. I guess, in a way, I do dislike labor. I didn’t feel the need to explain that to her because I’d probably never see her again. I don’t like meeting new people, the chances are that I’ll never see them and their transient nature will have no positive role in my life. I used to make 1″ buttons, for bands and to sell myself. Many of them were obscure I was almost making the buttons for myself and maybe one other person. How many people want a Basil Zaharoff button?! One of them read “Women make better objects than people.” It was meant to be a slightly offensive joke, but essentially that is how I feel. I see more women that DO make for excellent objects, but as human beings they fail miserably. It’s not just girls though, but I don’t talk about how much of a let down men are, because I’m not trying to date any of them. I’ve got plenty of them as friends, but I won’t ever have the level of intimacy, trust, and understanding with a guy as I can with a woman. I will never sleep in the same bed day in and day out with a guy, I’ve never cried in front of pal (not drinking has probably helped me maintain this). THIS is why I focus attention on the faults of the weaker sex, because more is at stake in a relationship with one of them than any guy I’ve ever befriended. Just from a superficial perspective: how many times have you heard of a guy cutting his friends dick off in the middle fo the night? How many times have you heard of a guy selling off his freinds record collection because of some petty disagreement? How often have you had to think about impregnating a guy friend and deciding if you would want to have children with him. Is he someone that you would want to spend 18 or more years with? I have never, ever, not once, when meeting another guy thought “He seems alright, could I stand to be with him for 20 years?” So what did I tell her? “Well, I only do that because I’m desperatly lonely and it’s painfully obvious to anyone when I make such a comment, and thus it isn’t taken seriously” But that’s not true, not really. It hasn’t been true in some time, because I’m happy being single until I find someone worth spending time with. I just know that when you are self-depreciatng, people will let down their guards. I can appreciate beautiful and fascinating objects, but I’m not foolish enough to think all beauty has meaning, that because something is fascinating it has depth. I can’t bring myself to talk to women unless I know something about them first, the same with most men. I don’t like meeting strangers because I don’t like to go out of my way to lie to people. Lying doesn’t upset me, not when I do it to people that aren’t important to me, but any interaction with people who are unimportant to me is draining. I’ve never struck up a conversation with a girl in a bar, the chances of them being uninteresting to me is too high. The chances they have some stupid feminist political stick of their ass, some socialist bullshit knee-jerks at the ready, or that they believe in some made up fairy-tale fantasy of popular religion or superstitious non-sense is insurmountably high. Or they’re drunk, or they’re stupid, The chances are also pretty good that I’m just not interesting to them in a physical way. And, if they do hold any of the above opinions (feminism, socialism, theism, etc.) then they aren’t going to like me at all. Why ruin them being a good object by talking to them and seeing the flaws. It’s like meeting a favorite musician and finding out they’re an asshole, or peeking into the kitchen of your favorite restraunt and seeing that the cook is gross or that they picked a food item off of the ground and served it to you. Some guys I know don’t care, no, strike that.. most guys I know don’t care. They can get past any gross personality flaws just to have sex… I can’t seem to do that. As an atheist, as a Satanist, sex is one of the most “sacred” things because it is one of the most natural. It’s not sacred in the sense that it should be treated as the sacred scrolls of Judaism (you seen those pointers they’ve got with the little hands on the end because they aren’t supposed to physically touch the scrolls? Weird). But then it’s also the most physically intimate you can be with another human, and I treat it like I do intellectual or emotional intimacy – with a high level of discrimination. Also, as a eugenecist, sex is something that can lead to procreation (hopefully not any time soon), and since I haven’t sworn off having kids (like so may of my peers) I have to think about hereditary concerns as well. Does that mean I wouldn’t have sex with someone I wouldn’t want to have a baby with? Are you fucking crazy? There are plenty of people I’d have sex with but not reproduce with, just as I’d eat lunch with an exponetially larger pool of people than the ones I’d drink out of a straw after. But it’s always something to think about. I’m not a nihilist, and though I have a dim view of the future, I think there’s still a lot of time left for people to be able to live happily if they are willful and intelligent. About halfway through writing this I stopped and wrote the very first paragraph. I think maybe right now, after finishing (and what an abrupt end to such a rambling dialog) I think it’s probable that I’ll leave the right impression, but still a negative one.